What is wholeness?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I’ve spent time reading about it, journaling about it and praying about it.
I want to be whole–but often I feel so broken and inadequate. I’m imperfect, but also amazing. I’m strong and capable but also prone to discouragement when I’m worn out. Wholeness is a contradiction. The more I accept my inability to be whole, the more I find it.
To fully experience life I have to open myself to every part it—the beautiful parts and the ugly parts.
Wholeness isn’t perfection. I’ve made my to-do lists and faithfully checked off item after item. By the time I reach the end of the list I have to start over again. The list is never-ending, but my energy is limited. I’ve tried to be perfect and failed miserably time and time again.
Wholeness isn’t life without conflict. I’ve tried to control things in my environment, my home, my family to make us all ‘happy’. It’s impossible. Each of us with our own personalities and preferences can’t be simultaneously pleased and content each moment. Relationship requires give and take. It requires flexibility and freeing ourselves to feel what we feel.
Wholeness is waking up on a Saturday morning to pancakes and syrupy fingers.
Wholeness is taking the dogs for a walk and letting the laundry wait.
Wholeness is clearing our calendar last minute to stay home and rest.
Wholeness is a date night that ends with a fight. But we climb into bed and drift off to sleep side by side anyway.
Sometimes wholeness is laughing and sometimes it’s crying.
Sometimes it’s singing together in the car.
Sometimes it’s raised voices and strong opinions.
Sometimes it’s kind words.
Sometimes it’s forgiveness. Maybe all the time it’s forgiveness.
Wholeness is taking care of myself physically, emotionally and spiritually, so I can love you better. And knowing you need to do the same.
Wholeness is believing you’re strong where I’m weak. And I’m strong where you’re weak.
Wholeness is you and me smoothing out each other’s rough edges.
Wholeness is a little necklace around my neck reminding me together we are better. Together we are stronger. Together we will walk this winding road hand in hand.