Hi, I’m Lisa-mommy to my boys, David, 9 and Matty, 8 and wife to Steve. I create handmade jewelry and love taking pictures. Stick around and get to know us!
it’s true, sunflowers always remind me of vincent van gogh. i am always amazed at how hardy sunflowers are, and how much water they drink. but mostly i love their bright color and how happy they are!
have you ever grown sunflowers or do you purchase bouquets for your home?
since mother’s day is approaching i’ve been reflecting on being a mom. last week i shared about david’s birth.
today i’ll share our journey with matthias’ birth and first year.
just 10 months after david was born we got pregnant again. we felt ready. 10 months of grieving, adjusting, making it work and falling in love with david felt more like 10 years. i think time moves slower when you’re in crisis.we were considered a high-risk pregnancy because of david’s disability, but everything went incredibly well. we got pregnant easily. all the tests came back normal. all the ultrasounds looked perfect. even his delivery was easy. and when he was born it was like relief swept over my whole being. we had a healthy baby. we were so thankful!
if david’s birth story is about watching hope grow, matthias’ birth story is about finding peace and healing.
we brought our healthy baby boy home from the hospital and introduced him to david. and david wanted nothing to do with his new brother. he didn’t want to touch him or even look at him. and then the relief was gone and the guilt took over.
do i love matthias more than david?
will i have enough time to give david the attention he needs?
will matthias resent having a brother with a disability?
questions questions questions. and more guilt. how did this new baby fit into our family? everything was all out of whack again and i was devastated.
slowly we got to know matthias and fell in love. slowly we started to develop new routines. and slowly i began to feel that i could love each of my boys for who they were and stop comparing them.
i started to realize that the guilt was eating me from the inside out and it wasn’t doing anyone any good. it wasn’t wrong to be grateful that matthias didn’t have a disability. i realized having a healthy child freed me to enjoy david and his developmental stages while enjoying matthias’ more typical growth and learning.
i am so thankful we had matthias when we did. he brings so much joy, imagination and kindness to our family. he is full of love and self-confidence. the boys love each other and make each other’s lives better.
matthias, your life has brought joy and healing to my heart. i love you.
friends, if you have children, did anything about motherhood surprise you? did you have any unexpected emotions?
{scroll down for our free lovebird wall hanging special. valid april 19th only!}
the day after david was born, one of the neonatologists gave us david’s diagnosis. the words came out in slow motion. the sounds were there but i couldn’t comprehend their meaning.
cornelia de lange syndrome.
severe retardation.
he won’t be able to eat.
he won’t speak, he won’t walk.
he’ll need life long care.
my heart felt ripped apart as the words buzzed around my head trying to make sense.
i wonder what would have happened if that same neonatologist, in some prophetic way, could have seen our future. what if he would have told me things like,
he’ll change your world in beautiful and amazing ways.
he’ll show you how to love more deeply than you can imagine.
his smile will light up a room.
he’ll wrap his arms around your neck and and work his way into your heart.
he will run and laugh and love life.
you will know his soul and he will know your soul.
could i have heard those words? could i have understood them? looking back, i think steve and i had to walk through sorrow and watch hope grow. we had to grieve and fall in love with david–for who he is and not for who we thought he would be. we had to journey, step by step, to understand the amazing gift that was placed in our arms that day.
david, i am so absolutely, undeniably grateful to be your mom. i love you sweet boy!
i am so ready for the weekend! we’ve had some busy days where david’s energy level seems off the charts. we call him ‘destructo-boy’ as he moves around the house ‘re-arranging’ everything and clearing off tables and generally making a huge mess. it’s so fun to see him happy and energetic, but to be honest i’ve been feeling pretty discouraged. last week he broke a decorative lantern and a wood chair in a fit of crazy energy. and sometimes i get down when i know this isn’t a passing phase. this is david and as much as i love him, it can be exhausting!
the last few days i’ve made sure to get some good sleep and some good cuddle time with him. too much busy-ness in my life makes me less patient and makes it harder to cope with discouragement.
there is so much good and so much to be thankful for. and i want this to be a happy place where you come and get inspired and feel uplifted. but it needs to be an honest place, too. lately i’ve been discouraged, and that’s real life.
i’m sending out a big hug today and hoping you all have some rest and downtime planned for the weekend. we are heading down to san diego for bloggy boot camp on saturday and some good family time planned in there, too.
how do you find rest when you’re discouraged?
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what’s inspiring you today?
hope on over and read my post–and check out what some seriously amazing women have been sharing. happy sunday!
and i tried to let go of my pride and hear his thoughts. which were good. and then we started having fun and we ended up getting some pictures that i love. we’re not perfect, but we’re good together.
babe, it’s you & me forever. i love you.
